Cold Feet
by words end here
Summary: Future fic. Chuck/Blair, Nate/Serena and Dan/Vanessa, lots of CS friendship. B and N are about to go down the aisle, forcing C and S to untangle the web the non-judging breakfast club are in. You know what they say about the best laid plans...
1. Cold feet

Cold feet: A term used to characterize apprehension or doubt strong enough to prevent a planned course of action.

Future fic. Pairings: Nate/Serena, Chuck/Blair, Dan/Vanessa.

Summary: They're fresh out of college, but back to the City. And after all, home is where the heart is. NS, CB and DV. Other pairings along the way.

**A/N: **So I was going to do another summer story, but I've been there and done that. And I didn't want to do a post summer story either, because really, do we want five of our pretties stuffed in NYU? How unrealistic and well, it's very contrived that Blair Waldorf isn't receiving an Ivy League education. Wouldn't you much rather see them where they belong, all grown up and fabulous? And yet as romantically entangled as ever. If so, proceed.

* * *

Red.

It was her colour. Red for passion. Red for fury and rage. Red to match her temper for the majority of the time. Red, her favourite colour. Red for love.

He didn't want to approach her, if being metres away from her made his breath hitch and made tiny beads of sweat form on his palms, he wasn't going to dare strike polite conversation with the brunette woman observing the latest capture by Vanessa Abrams. If he was completely honest with himself, which not a lot of people are in this beautiful masquerade ball only masking the disasters on the inside, it just made his eyes sting to look at her. She represented his best and worst choices.

And it was his worst one that resulted on the twenty carat canary diamond on her left ring finger.

"Lurking behind my best friend again Chuck? Some things never change." Serena van der Woodsen remarked rather loudly, attracting several of the viewers' attention. She held their gazes too, because without a doubt, she was the golden girl in the room. Or rather, the golden woman.

Chuck Bass tore his gaze from his golden girl and they landed on Serena. He smiled his first genuine smile since his six month bender. Singapore, Rome, London and Paris. Wherever he felt like going. Eventually the places, the beautiful cities all blended into one montage, he couldn't distinguish between them anymore. But the two things remained the same, his favourite brand of scotch and the latest brunette was always in his bed.

"Well, well." He greeted smoothly. He enveloped his one time step sister into a warm embrace. "Now that Nathaniel and Blair are together once again...looks like it's just you and me."

Serena laughed softly and said in an outburst of nostalgia, "I've missed your witty banter."

"I was just about to leave." He replied more darkly. Serena cast her gaze to where Blair had seemingly been froze for a long time, as Nate Archibald took his fiancée's hand.

"Don't leave." She said, sounding more pleading than she would have liked, "You're not the only one who's here with ex issues. And besides I'm mildly interested in how Dana and Vanessa are doing."

"Of course you are. S it's been what, eight years since they interrupted the party and you still care. Let the Brooklyn-ites go. I don't know what she's doing here anyway with her exhibition. I always thought V would know when she wasn't wanted."

"Um, has she ever?" Serena's eyebrows were raised and she smiled. She could sense this was going to be a night no one would forget any time soon.

--

"Remind me why I came here tonight?" Blair Waldorf half questioned, half whined. Her fiancé, the notorious Nate Archibald smiled playfully.

"Because I'm here." He smirked. He wasn't in any particular mood for Blair's complaints tonight and half of what she was saying floated into one ear and straight out the other. Sometimes he'd feel a twinge of guilt for being so blasé around her; they weren't just each others first loves anymore, they were engaged. Here she was; his future wife and he just did not want to listen or comment. He felt so vacant ever since he graduated. The more he observed himself in his mirror these days, the more like he felt he was morphing into his father, the man he didn't want to associate with let alone turn into.

He pressed a kiss into her hair fleetingly before whispering, "I'll make it worth it tonight, I promise."

"Nathaniel, we're in public." An unmistakable voice gushed into Nate's ears.

It was his best friend.

His sort of ex-best friend.

His best friend who was always and still in love with _his _Blair.

(She was never really his, not _entirely_.)

"Bass!" Instead of shaking his hand the way you would at an Upper East Side social gathering, Nate took Chuck into a hug and of course, patted his back in a manly manner to make it brusquer. He certainly didn't feel like hugging him, after all he was only going to go after Blair again, but then again, both of them had made habits of masking their truths for years on end.

Chuck's eyes landed on Blair once again. Her mouth parted for seconds before she composed herself, thinking he wouldn't and didn't notice. But of course he did, he always did and it angered her continually.

"Waldorf." Chuck nodded curtly and she just maintained his stare. And for a minute, Nate wondered what in the hell got him involved in this train wreck all over again.

They talked, drank and exchanged humorous jabs at each others love lives that were more awkward that what they should have been. But at this point, it was always going to be awkward. They had basically slept with each other with the exception of Serena and Chuck. Although, had the situation ever been dire enough and if Serena had been intoxicated then what would have stopped Chuck from taking advantage? It was what he did with every other girl he'd set his sights on until _she _came along. Her with her brown hair and blue eyes. Her who was still very much the girl on his best friends arm, despite all they'd been through.

"We're going to leave you to catch up," Serena was getting bored with their small talk, "lets get some drinks, Natie." His old high school name sounded terribly out of place as her best friend gave her the death glance. Chuck revelled in the situation.

"You're seriously going to marry him, aren't you?" He asked, even though he didn't need too.

"I seriously am Chuck." The reply was terribly impersonal, he would have preferred a real Blair Waldorf reply but he had lost all of that when he lost her.

He reached out for her arm and his hand just stuck there. He didn't have the words this time. He wanted the same emotion and passion he had felt when actually had the words all those years ago outside his limo, when he was prepared to offer her anything she wanted; whenever he could offer her himself.

Blair at first felt revolted by his very touch, but it gave way because this was Chuck Bass.

"I..." she didn't have the words either, apparently.

"You didn't even tell me. I heard from Serena whenever I should have heard it from you." He stated in sadness.

"What about Nate?" She responded weakly.

"What about him? Blair you know Nathaniel and I's relationship never fully healed."

"And that's my fault, right Chuck? You had me then you lost me. So instead of torturing me once again like back in the good old days, how about you fix whatever's left of you and him. Besides, you always loved him better anyway."

She left him.

He let her go.

--

"Sometimes I think this cycle never ends." Serena remarked. Nate frowned, they had this conversation many times before. Unlike the darker half of the non-judging breakfast club, Nate and Serena had actually communicated during their time at College. When Chuck and Blair's hot summer turned frosty fast, it was as almost as if it brought N and S closer together. There she was; all alone at Brown. Sure, she had done this before circa boarding school and there were still guys following her but none of them were _him. _

"It's different this time." He protested weakly. She rolled her eyes in response and looped her arm through his, as platonically as possible. They were always teetering on the edge of something more, but both of them were beginning to think that there something more had came and passed as fleetingly as Chuck and Blair could hold a relationship together.

"Well, it's oddly comforting that the couple voted most likely to get married in high school may actually make it." Nate sighed at her use of' _may' _and just smiled at her.

"I missed you too much." He couldn't help himself – just as he did to his fiancée a matter of minutes ago he pressed a kiss into Serena's head and before she allowed herself to react she greeted Vanessa Abrams, the woman who was the reason behind the gathering.

"Hey!" The greeting was stifled from Serena and Vanessa just said the same and they engaged in some beyond awkward embrace that really should not have come to pass. Nate did the same.

"Serena." A tone she hadn't heard in years gushed into her ears.

It was him.

"Daniel Humphrey." She beamed at him and his heartbeat fluttered as he allowed himself the onceover. She was wearing a white gown that reminded him of summer a few years ago. Her position beside Nathaniel helped with that, too.

They didn't hug. She didn't want too. They shook hands and Nate did the same.

Throughout their excuse for a conversation, Dan's eyes lingered on her longingly. There was a time when Serena felt exhilarated by it but his effect had faded much to her surprise. He was just Dan.

It was the same for Nate and Vanessa. Nothing was there – both relationships had been rendered dull. It was the moment Serena decided that you really don't marry the guy you date in high school.

Just you wait for it, S.

--

"Why did we come here again?" Serena whined as she and Blair waited on their car. The night had ended and they were making their way back to the apartment they had shared. The luxury complex was purchased when Serena signed her first endorsement with Chanel. It was utterly ridiculous that her celebrity status had came so quickly, but then again, Blair wasn't expecting anything less from the girl that was perfection on the outside, and the complete reverse on inside.

"You know how Nate is about Vanessa. They have a special bond or whatever." She dismissed.

Serena raised an eyebrow. "What?" Blair laughed.

"You're actually acknowledging it. Maybe you and Nate really are ready for this." She replied with a tone of realisation.

And regret.

Blair hated these Gucci heels. They only intensified how forced this conversation with someone who really should be her most confidant confident.

"And you didn't think we'd work before?"

Serena shook her head. "B it hasn't worked before. I love you both dearly but I just..."

Blair stared at her, silently demanding an answer.

"I know it'll work this time." She conceded, not meaning it at all.

"So do I." Blair nodded curtly.

No more was said, although so much more needed to be.

And for one more night, they let the charades continue.

Nathaniel and Blair needed to realise themselves before that maybe their relationship was the sole idea they had of what they _could _be.

Chuck and Serena spent the night hoping they'd realise what they actually were.

--

**A/N: **Chuck wants Blair, Blair wants Chuck, Serena wants Nate and does Nate ever know what he wants? I want reviews (: Tell me what you think. It's a future fic so don't worry, I'll fill in the blanks with flashbacks and such. For now though I just want opinions. Thank you for reading!


	2. I can't find forever in your eyes

**A/N: **Just to be clear, this story takes everything from the first and second season into account (: meaning B, V, D and G went to NYU, S went to Brown and N went to Columbia. Enjoy!

Forever: For everlasting time; eternally; at all times; incessantly.

* * *

It was balmy outside tonight, as Blair Waldorf turned around and strode out of the club where all her friend was enjoying themselves. She had actually been having a relatively pleasant evening too, pleasant as it possibly could have been. What were they thinking? Pretending that everything was right and pristine, perfectly in place. Sometimes she had the feeling she was going somewhere, somewhere that meant something with the only real congruent husband – that being Nate – but whenever she saw Chuck Basses hands snake over some red head's waist she just needed out.

She sparked up a cigarette and waited for Nate to wander aimlessly out and find her, he always did.

She mused on how the four of them, even all these years later, were back at point one. She and Nate were very much back together, and Chuck was still very much whoring around.

"Babe," he gasped no doubt about _who _took his breath away, "you know it's not a party without you."

She whirled around in her yellow dress and heels and she knew what this was _supposed _to feel like. This was supposed to be a romantic moment; Nate Archibald pulled them off so well. _Babe, you know it's not a party without you. _Maybe, if they were actually in love, he could have pulled off that awfully high school boyfriend phrase off too.

He took her cigarette away with a smile. He hated it when she smoked, even if it was her vice once in a while. He tossed it to the ground and she continued to ignore him.

"It's weird for me too." He admitted, embracing her. Blair didn't react to Nate physically the way she wanted to react to him. She wanted to blush the way she would when he'd pay her a compliment, she wanted her body to instantly burn when it made contact when it used to. She wanted all of those little reactions back. "But you were right, Blair you always are." He locked eyes with hers. "I think Chuck and I should salvage whatever's left."

Blair wanted to do the same with Bass, but apparently this time, things were a tad beyond repair.

* * *

"So that was winning Blair back, then." Serena commented to Charles as they shared a limo home. He demanded she go home with him – not in _that _sense but she was his confidant ever since he graduated. He couldn't talk to Blair, because that either resulted in an argument or make-up sex and it wasn't as if he could speak to beloved Nathaniel about their girlfriend.

"She was jealous. I could tell." He remarked smugly as he sipped more scotch. The rest of the escort was silent until they tumbled into his suite. Serena threw her Chanel clutch on the leather suite, a brief flash of Nate lying there hung over fleeted through her mind and her lips curled into a smile. She missed him, even with coming home again to take the summer off, she still wasn't seeing him as much as she would have liked. What was once a fading presence in her life had become a void, for the first time, he was all Blair's. She consumed him in the way she wished she did when they were seventeen and now that she had that, he was unchallenging.

Chuck fixed Serena up another drink and handed it to her and she just sat there, admiring the view outside.

He stepped over to the window to do the same thing when she cut through the silence.

"Are you ever going to talk about her? I still don't know what exactly happened between you too." She sipped the martini and he turned around.

"I was holding her back. Nobody deserves that. Not Blair."

"You know, years ago you told me you love her and you let her go then. Stop being such a maschosist and fix this." Serena demanded, sounding more pleading than what she intended.

"It's not just my mission, S. You know that as well as I do." He snapped the second part of the statement and tossed his jacket and bowtie away.

"Aren't you going to ask what happened with me and Dan?" She prompted.

"No, I already know. Serena, really? Him writing and you travelling whilst his imagination ran wild with thoughts of you with other guys? He couldn't be able to take that, he never did. He would have held you back and you know it." Chuck took more comfort than he really should have in the statement. At least he wasn't alone in his constant wild child fuck ups.

Serena just nodded thoughtfully, before chuckling bitterly. "Do you mind if I just crash here tonight?"

"Of course. Maybe we could get over them together." He added, just to creep her out. She just shut him up with a _look. _"Hey, S seriously...I'm glad we're still friends." His eyes were glazed over, his emotions more expressed with the enhancement of alcohol.

"I'm always going to be your sister, Bass. Whether we like it or not."

"Oh I love it." He smirked as she departed to steal some of his pyjamas.

She smirked also; she was starting to love it too.

* * *

It isn't the first time Blair Waldorf has lost sleep over Chuck Bass.

Perhaps, she thought, they shouldn't have started the way they did. At first, she thought they should have never started at all, but looking back, they were inevitable. The darker half of the non-judging breakfast club (the name sounds terribly out of place even in her mind after all these years), slightly better dressed and all about action, rather than their blond best friends that dazzled effortlessly. They both had to work for whatever had, and that included the very love of their parents.

And if it hadn't started as an affair, they could have been fine. _What starts in chaos ends in chaos. _The phrase resounded in her head. She forgot where she heard it or who she may have heard it from, but she was certainly hearing it now.

"Blair you haven't been sleeping all week." Nate grumbled as he walked into their lounge and sat down beside her on their red Italian suite. "And that coupled with your work...I don't want you to crash." He reached out and put an arm around her.

"I don't crash Nate." She replied, her tone verging on vicious. He removed his arm and suddenly stood up.

"Ever since you and Chuck have seen each other you haven't been sleeping. My fiancé hasn't been sleeping since she last talked to her ex-boyfriend or my supposed best friend. Am I really supposed to believe it's all coincidental?" He said, slowly but with enough anger to make sure Blair got the message.

"No Nate. You're not." She responded factually.

"So it's hard seeing him, I understand –

"No you don't. I know you were there and you know us better than anyone else but how could you understand when I don't?"

Nate could have taken these two ways and for once, he was clear on his options. But either way, this was the beginning of their end. And this time, it was an actual end. They could feel themselves collapsing. They had the feeling before, but something about this was so much more threatening and alarming.

So words weren't required. Instead he just strolled into his bedroom and went back to sleep, leaving Blair to wallow in frustration, regret or jealousy, or some new emotion that involved all three blended together.

* * *

"You know, I keep thinking we'll never see each other again." It was a strange greeting from Vanessa, but when was ever not strange? Chuck was departing from the mens department in Bergdorfs and to say he was more than surprised to see Vanessa would be an understatement.

"I keep hoping we won't." But his smirk and tone assured Vanessa it was kind of, mildly pleasant. Vanessa was never a girl who ever shopped here, or envisioned it, but being an up and rising photographer amongst the glitz and glamour of New York's elite had its perks. "You know, the car is just outside and we could..." He trailed off, his expression told her enough.

"Hah," she laughed hollowly, "been there and done that, twice. You know we should all go out sometime. Everyone likes nostalgia."

"Oh I'm a sucker for it, V."

She replied this time with an eye roll. "You know maybe I'll take you up on the ride. You never told me what happened with you and Blair."

Chuck's playful smile slid off his face. "Must we?" He didn't really want to talk about it at all, it had been dragged out to death by himself and Serena already, several times. "I've been talking about it too much." He added.

"I understand." She nodded, "I'll um, see you later Chuck."

He was going to tell her to come with him, but he didn't want that. He never stopped wanting someone else, as much as denial disguised it this time around and marred their relationship all those years ago, when it was all headbands and bowties.

* * *

"So, Nathaniel Archibald," Serena greeted him with a hug that lasted a little longer than what it should have, with his grip a little tighter, his face buried a little bit too deep in those golden strands and everything else being a little _too much, _"what was so important that you couldn't have just told me over the phone?" She smirked.

Nate looked scruffy, like he'd been on a huge bender the previous night. And that's because he was, with no one other than Dan Humphrey. He couldn't vent to Chuck about Blair anymore, the time and the place for that had long passed, stuck back in central park when they'd ditch glass to smoke joints, Nate complaining about Blair's demands and Chuck so effortlessly meeting them. At first, in the form of giving Nate advice of what to buy her next and before Chuck had time to register, in the form of taking her virginity in the back of a limousine.

But let's not drag that up again. They'll do that for themselves later.

"Blair is still in love with him, isn't she?" He wanted to let Serena sit down and just talk, but they both knew what they were here for.

Serena cocked a perfectly plucked eyebrow. "Blair wouldn't have that ring on her finger if she did, Nate." She responded in a monotone, like a machine.

She looked around their townhouse, not unlike the Archibald's' themselves. With three floors of interior perfection, it was made for a family. Blair and Nate's future family.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have interrupted you." He apologised earnestly.

"I'm not working for a while anyway." She dismissed. Nate smiled as he fixed her up a drink; it was just so Serena to randomly take spells of from work, even if she was a model. Before going to Brown, she had spent a year eloped with Carter Baizen, travelling all over the world. First through Europe and ending in Dubai, knowing she'd have to make a start on further education at some point, although a degree in Literature and drama was really the least of her concerns. "Tell me what's wrong, seriously, Nate. Let me inside."

Nate really wanted to do that, although the time and place had passed for that as well.

_I don't like my life. I can't marry someone who isn't in love with me, who will marry me just because everyone else thinks that we're meant to be. I don't want to be my father, hell I'm already a banker._

That's not what passed his lips.

"What's wrong is that Chuck isn't over her. And he never will be."

Typical Nathaniel, blaming Chuck for loving his girlfriend too much instead of blaming himself for not loving her enough.

He wore the sweater today, he usually did that when he had a hangover and just lounging in the house, it always earned a smile and sometimes much more from Blair, but the charm inside had become a heavy ball attached to a chain.

* * *

It wasn't just the lighter half on the non-judging breakfast club that exchanged words today.

Blair had enough of his sneaky, snide glances at her, it was like she and Nate were kissing on the courtyard and Chuck was _still there_, after all this time just lurking, waiting for her to fall apart under the pressure.

So when she stepped through his suite door to find him just about to meet Nate for drinks, she held him back.

"We need to talk in a civilised manner, don't you agree?"She demanded, although it was an instruction, not a question.

"We were never the dull civilised type of duo, darling." He replied, doing his bowtie. "Unlike you and dear –

"Don't speak of him like that. There was a time when you two had the best relationship, most functional one I've ever known."

"What about you and S? I guess the best friend cheating with the person's partner isn't all that devastating. Maybe we should try it out another time, just to see if it gets worse." He neared her, their faces within inches of one another's and Blair's breath hitched. Creepy, as always. Creepily endearing, as always. His eyes closed and she felt her eyelids flutter down too, it was instinctual.

"I wouldn't do that to Nate again." He whispered, sadly and serious. "And unless you want him to think that would again, I suggest you depart." His eyes were previously cold, hard. Now they had softened a tad as Blair exited in silence.

This was far from over. It was still all headbands and bowties.

* * *

**A/N: **So, thoughts? (: I really want feedback so reviews and stuff are much appreciated, as well as constructive criticism. Thanks for reading! xoxo


	3. Old habits die hard

**A/N: **Your reviews make me do a little happy dance. (:

Habit: A recurring, often unconscious pattern of behaviour acquired through repetition; addiction; customary practice.

* * *

"Oh come on," Serena exclaimed as she placed her latest purchase from Chanel around her neck, a white gold diamond and pearl necklace to compliment her electric blue dress from the same brand. She smiled and ran a hand through her hair and applied lip gloss; ready to go. "Blair ditching us to catch up with Jenny? I know something happened between you two."

"Okay, I'll tell, granted it's not an epic tale." He conceded. Entering her bedroom and sitting on the bed, rather than the chair available. "I'm on your bed." He smirked, leading to Serena lifting one of her plush pillows only to throw it in his face.

He stiffened slightly and needless to say, when he talked about Blair a sombre man replaced the playboy. "She showed up randomly and we had a moment but nothing happened."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

The two remained silent. Serena was always the first to break it.

"They're not as strong together as they pretend to be are they?" She mused as she and Chuck made their way down to the car.

"Have they ever been?" Chuck reminded her of what an obvious, simplistic question she'd asked and she just nodded thoughtfully. "S, you were right there with us before you so surprisingly eloped and well, your return was even more so. I saw the look on Nate face when he saw you, for that first time in a year, do you remember?" He questioned intently, she then nodded and a small smile played on her lips, "That didn't lie. When you came back it was like he woke up."

Idle chatter continued, a gentle babble of banter between the two, however they halted when speaking about the marriage that was coming too fast and too soon, silence taking over again and again before Chuck asked Serena this;

"S, don't lie, I know why you're every bit as much opposed to it as I am." He smiled slyly as Serena blushed.

"What?" She stuttered as they got out of the limousine strolled into the Tribeca Star for pre-club drinks.

"After graduation you couldn't wait to get away, then you hear about Blair and Nate and you take time off your career after one year of constant work."

"I like a home that isn't a hotel room." She shot back.

"Why so much time in the sibling's suite then, darling?"

"Well she needs someone to help her with it and we always were going to be each others maids of honour." At this he chuckled. "And you need someone to talk about your oh-so traumatic feelings with."

"So you take time off to help a friend with a wedding. Really?"

"This is _Blair Waldorfs _wedding." She clarified. He shrugged in defeat.

When they entered, the sight of Dan, Vanessa and Nate talking was so foreign.

"And this is completely forced, let's save Nathaniel." He replied as Nate motioned for them to join him.

* * *

"Where is the fashion maven?" Chuck asked Nate at the bar as Vanessa, Dan and Serena reminisced about some memory shared by the three that wasn't actually worthy of all their laughter. Chuck knew she was going out with Jenny tonight for a catch up or whatever it was that two respective rulers of Constance did after high school was over, but he was tired of lying and was hoping she'd meet Nate later.

Nate's eyebrows furrowed and he smiled like a big dork, but just like everything else he did, he got away with it because after all, he was still the golden boy. "Um, right there?" He pointed to the blonde. Chuck smiled impishly, he'd caught him out. It hadn't been the first time Nate was blinded by the gleaming blond hair, toned figure and navy blue eyes, but every time a little hint from Nate dropped like _better a broken nose than a broken heart_, Chuck couldn't help but feel that there was always a flicker of hope and it was in those moments that he saw that.

"I mean your fiancé." He corrected smugly. Nate looked at his drink and told him she'd been adamant in not coming with them tonight and that she was out with Jenny.

"You can say her name, you know." Chuck replied.

"Why do I feel like I've been here before?" Nate responded quickly, bitterly.

"Because you have. But the story's different this time, I promise." Chuck then put a hand a Nate's shoulder in a bid of assurance; Nate's stomach couldn't help but sicken.

* * *

Jenny Humphrey was still very much the same girl striving for approval, still riding on her wave of popularity which wasn't really a wave anymore as she was crowned Queen about six years ago and considering her dream was going to morph into reality very fast, just as the popularity at high school did itself.

She and Blair had kept touch over the years, at first it was just text messages from Blair asking how things were at the Alma matter and the reply would always be some Blair-esque bitchy remark about one of many minions that answered to the younger Humphrey.

Rather than go out with Nate to the Tribeca Star, Blair had told Jenny to meet her for drinks at the Palace bar instead, where Blair had actually asked her to be a bridesmaid, Jenny laughed then realizing that Blair was being deadly serious, just chuckled and commented on how she always wanted something like this to happen when she was sixteen, stupid and just wanted to be a part of their world.

"Well little J it has that effect on most people. Besides your brother and Nate have become friends and he's a groomsman. Why, if your going to drag one Humpty Dumpty might as well drag them all, it's what we've been doing for the past what – six years?" She giggled.

"Can't mess with tradition." Jenny replied as their martini glasses clinked.

_Tradition_, Blair thought. It was what her relationship with Nate was built on.

And they had a long tradition with their eyes wandering to their respective best friends.

* * *

"I don't think I've told you lately, but you look beautiful." Dan Humphrey remarked smoothly as Serena exited the ladies bathroom. He had waited for her outside of the bathrooms just in the lobby and the phrase that sounded like a cheesy song lyric earned a smile from her, because it was said in that awfully awkward and endearing manner of his.

"I don't need telling." She shot back with a grin and Dan just sighed. She approached him tentatively. Lily and Rufus had ended a long time ago and Serena remembers the call from Dan. At the time, she had bee midway through her journey with Carter and that's what it was, a real journey. For the first time in a long time, someone had found her and because of that, she started to find herself. She came home again (she'd always been a runner, after all) and it couldn't have been a more drastically different return this time around. Whilst seventeen she had returned to a more than livid Blair Waldorf and a sexually frustrated and love ridden Nate Archibald, the Nate Archibald that was infatuated with two types of beautiful.

When she returned from her trip with the handsome Mr Baizen, Blair collected her at the airport and hugged her so tightly Serena felt like she'd fall apart.

She also shared a bed with Nate upon her triumphant return. But we'll get to that later, darlings.

When Dan informed her of their parents' final separation, his tone was so jubilant, so expectant. He honestly thought the phrase would be something like _I'm on the next plane home, Humphrey _or _do you think this is our second chance? _Asked by her in a breathy voice.

Neither of those was anything along the reply he actually got:

"_Really? What? Dan, you have to get them to speak again...they're the loves of each others lives." _Followed by a low, suave voice telling him Serena had a date.

The two found themselves strolling outside, and Serena could actually _feel _history repeating itself, even thought Dan had first asked her on a date outside the palace hotel rather than the Tribeca Star, but _still. _

"I know we haven't kept in touch and that's my fault." Serena commented, "But we're out of that place in our lives, you know? Not in high school anymore. I think we should just be friends, Dan."

The smile on Dan's face slackened a little, before he plucked up some the same courage he managed to summon all that time ago. "Would you consider being friends over dinner tomorrow?"

* * *

Upon looking for Dan and finding him with Serena, just the two of them sitting outside, Vanessa felt dejected and she couldn't pinpoint the exact reason, but it was too familiar not to notice that she'd felt it before.

Of course she knew, but she didn't want too. Because she should be twenty four and still be tortured by those intense feelings she had for someone when she was seventeen.

"Off we go, Humphrey. Goodbye, Serena." She forced a weak smile before Serena hugged her.

A pang of fear struck her, maybe they were meant to be all along, the high school couple that actually ends up married.

"So, I scored a date with Serena van der Woodsen." Dan quickly raised his eyebrows up and down twice, smiling. The both of them were having beers in Vanessa's apartment, it was the same Nate had inhabited.

"Oh, wow." Vanessa laughed, Dan was taken aback.

"Bad idea?" He questioned, already knowing the answer.

"Um, yeah!" She exclaimed louder with more disapproval than what she had _intended, _but then again their once rock solid, unaltered intentions had still led the both of them back to each other. "Dan, don't get me wrong. Blond, beautiful and well...from a different world and I know what it's like because I was with Archibald, but there was a reason why we didn't end up together again after we went to Europe." Her voice cracked slightly. Dan just remained silent.

"I just..." he couldn't justify it, he and Serena had been through enough and it hadn't been enough for them to actually stay together, "This could be the one...this time."

Vanessa looked at him; his elation had come and went fleetingly. She was the one raising an eyebrow when she silently hoped that this stint with Serena would too.

* * *

With more than a few drinks in their systems, Nate and Chuck actually forgot that they'd initiated a debacle once more when Chuck's car was depositing Nate back at his townhouse. They shared a joint which enhanced the laughter and it didn't take long for their favourite topic to sprout into conversation.

"You two need to talk," Nate began, his voice hoarse – he hadn't done this in years, "I know we're me and Blair but – she needs you in her life even if it's as a friend. I can tell she misses you."

The car stopped but Nate didn't move.

"Well, have a good night, Nate." Chuck bid goodbye sadly, both of them stepped outside and Chuck's eye fleeted up through the windows, just for a glance.

Nate noticed this, too bad he didn't notice it when they were all fifteen.

"I need you to put me at ease, man." Nate stated. "I've told myself so many times, she's always reassuring me and now I need you to do the same. Because we're not in high school anymore, you know?"

Chuck nodded thoughtfully before loosening his bowtie.

"You have nothing to worry about Nate...you know I love you _both _more than anything. You can make each other happy."

Nate didn't miss Chuck's eyes widening or his sweaty palm on his shoulder once again, and in that instant he knew.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, I know there was zilch NS or CB interaction here, but those will be in abundance after this chapter! And don't despair; DS are a bump in the road. Let's hope we can say that by the end of season three (: and I love your feedback. Expect the next chapter soon, xoxo.


	4. Fated to pretend

**A/N: **I feel like this is a really important chapter, where the story _really _starts, so your feedback for this one will be much appreciated! (:

* * *

_I'm feeling rough; I'm feeling wrong in the time of my life. – MGMT._

Pretend: To dissemble; behave unnaturally; feign with the intent to deceive.

* * *

Tonight, Nate had seen Serena at Le Giraffe, the restaurant both he and Blair had cited as _their _spot, mostly because all that waiters had cute French accents and Blair simply adored their homeland, needless to say their honeymoon destination was Paris. Little did they know their destination would be a lot less beautiful.

She looked stunning and he just couldn't help staring at her as he took out Blair's chair for her, then took off her jacket and gave it to the waiter. After all these years of knowing and loving Blair, he'd finally discovered that it was attention to little details like removing the chair and taking the coat was what got him in her good graces, which he now felt like he had to earn more. Previously, Nate didn't have to do a thing; one look in his glimmering green eyes had Blair hooked.

Unfortunately for N, the novelty wore off.

Serena gave him a four finger wave before joining her friends briefly.

"Dan has me waiting." She complained and Blair's mouth gaped a little bit, she didn't want to deal with anymore Dan and Serena drama.

"S, really? I'm sure Carter's still available." She said perkily, causing Serena to laugh.

Nate felt his heartbeat quicken, beat twice for a minute. He never liked the idea of Serena with Dan; sometimes he thought that it was because of Humphrey that Serena suddenly needed him less and if he's truthful with himself; that was the case. Serena had been the only girl in his life Nate ever took a direct course of action over without just drifting, and somehow, the one he had drifted _with_ had the ring on her finger.

He wasn't too thrilled when she eloped with Carter, either.

Nate sipped his drink, composed himself and reminded himself that the couples, who were meant to be together, were together.

The reminders just became more frequent, that's all.

"Dan's just arrived Serena." Nate informed her timidly and then he nodded curtly at Dan, who greeted them with the famous awkward wave that earned a chuckled from his date. Serena had told Nate about her and Dan's first date whilst they'd both been home for summer two years ago. Whilst by that time, Blair and Chuck had been long over, Nate and Serena found an odd comfort with each other, like their relationship had been developing all over again. Nate very well knew they wouldn't be something more, because something more usually involved the wrath of Blair Waldorf. All the same though, it was completely fulfilling to her back in his life again even if they were _just _friends and they talked about their respective counterparts from Brooklyn.

"This was a bad idea." Serena whined whilst forcing smiles at Dan's way. The comment made Nate feel Nate more relieved than what it really should have.

"So, go get it over with and come back for drinks with Nate and I at home." Blair replied, impishly smiling.

"I wouldn't be interrupting, would I?" Serena's stare fell on Nate, the way it just naturally was accustomed to doing. She never could help herself and when his green eyes locked with her navy blues that was that.

"There's nothing to interrupt." Blair's tone was one of bitterness and particular disdain aimed at Nate. The truth was their relationship had become mechanical after all the years of going back and forth. Everything. The basic interaction, the dates and the sex, it was all so...routine. She kept telling herself that this was what she wanted, for her and Nate to finally just settle because they were getting married, but as Serena parted the table leaving Nate's eye's smiling, she wondered if the only thing holding them together was her memory of what she and Nate _could _have been.

* * *

Blair and Serena had rendezvoused in the ladies after their starters and main course and Serena was in the midst of complaining about being unable to deter Dan from just leaving their old threesome to it tonight.

"Say Chuck's coming over." Blair interjected as she touched up her make-up.

"Do you want me to invite Chuck over?" Serena suggested.

"Yes. No. I don't care." The series of answers were so fast Serena just laughed.

"Oh B." She sighed. "I swear both of you made a pact not to tell anyone what happened you both. It's been _years, _B and I'm your bestie – I should know._ "_

Blair thought that maybe Chuck had told Serena, they'd been spotted everywhere together these days, but apparently not. So that meant the only person that knew was Nate.

"I don't want to talk about it. It's in the past." She said quietly whilst looking at her reflection. "Besides I'm sure your sidekick will inform you soon enough." She added resentfully.

As Serena washed her hands it clicked – Blair was all Chuck ever talked about to her and yet they hadn't got to their last separation.

"So I'll call him then?" She asked.

"If you _insist._"

* * *

"Hey, Dan." Nate greeted, Blair had been in the ladies for a long amount of time, presumably talking about lip gloss and sex with Serena, not that there was a lot of the latter going on between B and N.

Dan liked Nate – he did, but his ghost had haunted his relationship with Serena throughout high school and he wasn't about to let _that _cycle repeat itself, so immediately he got down to business.

"Hey, Nate." He said sternly without a smile on his face.

"You know we all should have just got a table together." Nate added. "You'll join Blair and I for drinks this afternoon? Tell me man, how's work on the latest book going?"

Dan shook his head, he wasn't just frustrated over the fact he'd been smacked with his first ever bout of writers block, but then she returned and he thought maybe –

"You okay Dan?" Nate asked.

"Sure," Dan's imagination snapped into focus once more, "it's just strange how we all just seemed to find each other again, that's all."

"It is," Nate agreed, "and listen, Dan you and Serena are just friends, right?" He asked the question as if he knew the most obvious answer.

"Well there's a lot of history there between us." Dan remarked, chewing his bread roll like a cow chewing its cud.

"High school history," Nate rectified, "listen man, I can't help but bring your dad and Lily into this. They were through a lot and Serena doesn't need anymore reminders of –

"What's your deal Nate? I mean you're _engaged _to your high school girlfriend but I can't go on a date with mine?" Dan's outburst was laced with fury and Nate just remained silent.

This was wrong. He shouldn't have been trying to protect her in some twisted way.

"There's a reason why the both of you didn't work back then. What makes you think it's going to be any different this time?"

"Well what made you think it would be different with Blair?"

"You know what; I'm just going to leave the both of you to it. But it's been Blair and I that have picked up the pieces before and we're not up for that again. I have nothing against you Dan." He reiterated calmly.

_Sure you don't, N. Nothing except the fact you both share the blonde beauty of both your dreams. _

* * *

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Serena had never really understood the phrase until she found herself in the Archibald-Waldorf townhouse tonight, waiting for Chuck to show his face whilst Nate and Blair discussed their wedding plans and Dan kept trying to move in for the kiss.

The home screams Blair, who just graduated with a master in law last year. It's prim and neat, tidy. It's made for a family. She's not the powerhouse lawyer that her father Harold was notorious for being, but that's because she had already decided that she was going to be the perfect Archibald wife that stayed at home, hosted brunch and raised their almost too perfect kids.

Had Serena been living with Nate, she imagined the place would be modern with a sense of fun to it. They would never have planned a pregnancy because let's be honest, have either of our blonde bombshells ever _planned? _

And then just like that, Chuck swaggered into their home and scrunched his nose at the sight of Dan.

"Well, well. Still crashing the party Daniel?" He asked smoothly and he strode into their lounge, Blair and Nate couldn't help but laugh. He was clad in a suit from work today and Nate handed him the scotch he had ready for him.

"Well you've made a habit of crashing ours." He remarked and it made Chuck smile.

"Waldorf." Chuck nodded curtly.

"Bass." She greeted in the exact same manner.

The five had drunk far too much, Blair revealing her lavish and of course ridiculous wedding plans because _she's Blair Waldorf _and if she could, her birthday would be made a national holiday. And that's exactly what her wedding with Nate was going to be, the society event of the year, just like they had always planned. She had been struggling to choose colours for the bridesmaid though, torn between red and purple but Serena didn't have any powers of persuasion to make Blair choose purple and every time she wanted to put some input in, a lump rose in the back of her throat and she just _couldn't_. History didn't allow this to be in any way pleasant for her, even though these were the two people she loved the most.

Chuck stalked over the drinks cabinet to many times for this to be in anyway tolerable for him too, Serena noticed.

She caught him over at their bay window looking around at the view.

"We'll be out of here soon, bro. I just needed someone to suffer with." She smirked.

"Maybe this is our weird way of getting accustomed to it." He replied and he just kept staring outside.

"Maybe." Serena murmured to herself.

* * *

It was two in the morning when Blair insisted they stay in the guest bedroom and although she'd been planning to treat Nate tonight, she was tired and was almost grateful for Dan and Chuck's presence.

She had just stood outside Nate's study which also served as her place where she put her books, it was practically turning into a library that would have given the Humphrey loft some fierce competition but she instead found Nate and Serena talking. Tempted to listen, but knowing enough that she knew she just didn't want to hear whatever ridiculous subject they were discussing, they were always so carefree around each other that no subject with them was taboo.

She then searched for Chuck and found him back in the lounge.

"You know a good hostess always entertains the guests." He commented as she sat down beside him.

"Oh shut up, Bass." She slapped his arm playfully. "This wasn't even a party; this was a drunken attempt to get Serena away from Dan. I don't know what this was." She then sighed.

She was still very beautiful and still very vulnerable. He adored the fragile doll beneath the exterior of fire.

He was about to apologise for their strange encounter last week and maybe with one more scotch in him he would have, but he wanted to hear it from her first.

There were a lot of things he needed to her to say first.

"So about that...whatever that was. I don't know what that was either." She just laughed and he joined her.

This was utterly ridiculous.

Love was utterly ridiculous.

"Let's not go into the details then. You know I love you _and _Nathaniel more than anything and it took me a while to get here but I think I am."

Their hands met each others.

"Good. I'm happy to hear it." Her voice cracked ever so slightly.

"Good." He said simply. "I'm leaving, I'll try to bring S too."

"Just _stay_, would you? I'm it won't be the last time you both get drunk in our home." She smiled and her eyes fleeted over the majestic room.

She retracted her hand impulsively and brushed away something that certainly was not a tear away from her left eye and then sought out Dan, who she hoped had _finally _departed.

She found him down at in the foyer.

"Cabbage Patch?" The nickname still stuck.

"I was about to go –

"Dan, it's what three in the morning? You can stay, if you must." She couldn't sound too kind.

"No I just, I saw Serena and him..." he trailed off, the last force anyone needed to face right now was her notorious temper.

"What?" She asked calmly and surprisingly, not worried for the first time in years.

"They must have dozed off together...we've all had more than a few, huh?"

"I'll wait with you then, Brooklynite. Let's go out for some air, I need air." She demanded.

Dan didn't ask any questions, just went outside as they waited for his cab. He felt terribly guilty for being with her and not informing her if Nate's poignant display of protection for Serena that night, but it wasn't his place. It never was.

"They were holding hands...I just didn't want to interrupt." He said awkwardly, totally out of place.

"Never stopped you before." She smirked.

"I don't want anymore of that." He responded knowingly, sure of himself.

"I'm sorry Blair, I just need to ask you outright," he began, gulping because Blair Waldorf tended to have that effect, "you're marrying him? And it's okay for him and Serena to well...be like that?"

The summer heat, even at this time was too intense. Blair's cobalt blue eyes levelled with his hazel one.

"They're not doing anything," she told him knowingly, "we all have someone like that."

"Chuck?" He prompted as Blair nodded.

"Nate and Serena didn't work out just like Chuck and I didn't work out. It doesn't mean we or they weren't in love at some point." She surprised herself with her mature manner, "We all have one of those people and sometimes we don't be with each other in the end, you know? I mean you can't tell me there's no romantic history whatsoever with you and docu-girl."

Dan just nodded slowly in response, tugging off his coat, the heat was sweltering.

"You just have to let them..." Blair trailed off, what she saying hardly made sense to her and the last thing she needed for Humphrey to be thrown into the mix, "You just have to let them _be, _Daniel."

When Dan's cab arrived they awkwardly patted each other on the back and she giggled and he chuckled in disbelief.

This was the last time the Upper East Side would break his heart.

* * *

"Hey, sis," the cocky tone was unmistakable, "get up. Could you be making yourself anymore obvious?"

Serena woke up and rubbed her eyes and to a mixture of surprise and horror to find her fingers entwined with her best friends fiancé.

"Oh." Oh, indeed.

"Let's leave, this show is over." He remarked, taking Serena's hand as he led her out of the guest bedroom.

"Bye Natie." She cooed drunkenly that made Chuck laugh.

* * *

She told herself that she always passed the Palace hotel anyway on her way to the office, so why not?

Waldorf and Bass had called some sort of a truce last night with their intoxicated flow of conversation, if it really could be called that.

So when she knocked on the door of 1812, she braced herself with coffee and the same batch of pastries they'd become accustomed to having every morning they shared the suite when they were together, stuffing donuts into one another's face in his limo on the way to school.

"Hey, I thought we could catch up, you're on your way to work right?" She questioned playfully as he couldn't suppress his smirk.

"I was," he began carefully, "does your husband –

"Mind if I just head into work along with an old friend?" She asked rhetorically, "Nate's not possessive and you know it. I didn't decapitate him for falling asleep with S's hand in his last night. We all love each other Chuck; just in different ways."

"I have to go, S." He shouted and was met with a groan implying a serious headache.

"Oh God," Blair smiled and laughed and that in turn, made him smile, "don't tell me you now love Serena in _that _way." He just sipped his coffee and said something about family.

* * *

_They had been the new golden couple for two years when it ended._

_Somewhere between being friends, sex in the back of limos and the heart stopping declarations of love, Chuck Bass decides he loves himself more than he could ever love anyone else enough._

_Duty at Bass industries calls, and Blair doesn't like to be apart from him at days at a time, now that they're a couple and the fact that they can't get enough of each other is out in the open. For a period of time they think they cam make long distance work, but this is an issue neither has had to overcome anymore They're a constant in each others lives. Five year olds having play dates organised by their socially preoccupied mothers, ten year olds avoiding each other because the opposite sex always had cooties and sixteen year olds stealing kisses. Now this. It won't be the first time they're on separate continents with tortured thoughts of one another marring their days._

"_I don't want to hold you back." He stammers out the statement to her as he exits Beijing airport. _

"_I didn't want you to let me go." She cries and he wouldn't be surprised if the tears started leaking through his phone._

* * *

**A/N: **What do you think? (: There's going to be a lot of BCNS flashbacks coming up.


	5. This Cycle never ends

**A/N: **I just realised that I wrote some time ago a stand alone story called 'The Optimists' about Chuck and Serena and it serves as the perfect prologue to this story. So check that out if you want.

Cycle; A periodically repeated sequence of events.

* * *

"I see it."

Serena van der Woodsen stated the simple three words over tea and lunch at Blair's townhouse. It was unbearably hot in the city in August and the tea didn't help, but what Blair wanted...

The comment was met with the raise of a perfectly lucked eyebrow.

"Tell me what you see Serena," Blair began sounding bored out of her skull, "although I'd rather pay for the therapist who should be sitting through this rather than your best friend who needs your help organising what's supposed to be the wedding of the year." She snapped.

"Excuse me? Did the word _supposed _just pass your lips?" Serena asked, eyes brimming with mirth.

"I see it," Blair deadpanned mockingly, "Honey; we've seen a lot of things. Elaborate."

"Waldorf and Bass. Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck."

"That's descriptive." A small smile played on Blair's lips.

"Blair." Serena put on her best take-the-blonde-one-seriously-for-once tone and their gazes held each others, adamantly refusing to stray.

Serena wanted answers, and Serena wanted them _now._

And you thought B was the demanding half of the pair.

Blair set down her tea and got up from her chair, releasing her eyes from Serena's. She couldn't cope with this anymore, because everyone seemed to just know. Everyone knew that she and Nate have failed to repair their broken fairytale; everyone knew she still has something there with Chuck. And whether that something translated into two point five kids and townhouse on seventy second streets, she didn't know and she didn't care. Because she just wasn't reacting to Nate the way she wanted so badly to react, no blushing, nor stomach flipping, no chemistry. It was just that simple now.

And yet, she loved every inch of him.

What she really loved was what they could have been.

"B, are you okay? I wasn't being serious okay I was –

"You were. Serena, I won't go back there. I was so insecure. Blair Waldorf isn't secure."

"Blair Waldorf doesn't refer to herself in the third person." Serena replied with a giggle.

"Blair Waldorf didn't consider being here for a long time..." she trailed off, stroking a lock of chestnut brown hair behind her ear self consciously.

"Hey, B." Serena sighed and randomly embraced her friend. For the first time in her life, her oh-so organised, impeccably taken charge of life, did Blair feel truly lost. Blair decided to stay there, vulnerable, if only for a while. "It's just," Serena felt sudden jab of guilt. She didn't want Blair and Nate to marry. It was a train wreck waiting to happen. But she had to be supportive, regardless of what she thought; she had been doing it all her life.

Blair retracted away and wiped away a single tear, "I just...I can't believe that it's finally happening, you know? You dream of something for years and when it gets here you just wonder why you wanted it so much in the first place."

Serena just nodded in response and considered carefully what she was about to say;

"The journeys into work, him dropping you home – in the limo I might add." Serena smirked and surprisingly, Blair did the same.

"Serena, have Waldorfs ever been known to step foot near public transport?"

"True that," Serena rolled here eyes, "I'm just checking up on you, okay? It's what I do."

"I love you for that, S," Blair began earnestly, taking hold of her friends hand, "We've never been able to get closure...I haven't with either. There both such big parts of my history, you know? It's Nate and Chuck, they've always come as a package and I'll never have one without caring for the other."

Those were some big words and Blair immediately found herself wanting to take them all back, but what difference would that make? She wasn't telling Serena anything she didn't already know.

This journey spanned years from childhood, first loves and broken hearts, yet as both of them faced each other before Serena spontaneously decided they needed to raid Bergdorfs, they both felt that they had not made much progress from where they had all started.

* * *

She lures him to her and constantly keeps pushing him away.

Away and away, it had become Chuck's mantra, a chant, the closest thing he ever had to saying a prayer.

He never listened to her. He rarely had to, he and Blair had been so in sync with each other.

However, as a result of not listening, he never learned. Chuck Bass had his chance five years ago and he can't possibly allow himself to miss her, because he let her go.

One day he's spending a whole art class exchanging messages between Blair and Nate and it results in them officially dating (at the ripe old age of eight), next he was fifteen and telling Nate what to buy Blair in order to obtain forgiveness and telling him to tap that ass, seventeen and he's taking her virginity in the back of a limousine, eighteen and he was in love with her and now at twenty five, he was _still _in love with her.

Chuck set down his scotch. The work load had been tremendous lately – but he relished the challenge and he knew he was becoming the son – the man - Bart always wanted him to be.

Bart wouldn't want him to lose Blair. He could attempt to move on. He could embark on an affair, they certainly hadn't been unheard of in their world.

He couldn't let Blair marry Nate. It wasn't going to happen; he wouldn't let it.

She was intoxicating him all over again. The banter, the lavender conditioner that scented her hair, the impish smirk of triumph whenever she had won a case; he couldn't imagine life without her anymore and he couldn't let Nate have that.

"_Is that all I am to you? An accessory?"_

"_On him, Yes. On me you'd be so much more."_

"You look miserable." Serena remarked as she flung the door to 1812 shut.

"That makes the two of us, cheery. You know your hair is the only light aspect you have these days, S." Chuck replied, running a hand through his hair tiredly.

"I'm thinking of going back to work. I can't just randomly take spells of work like this." She informed him, much to his dismay.

Of course, he wasn't going to be too desperate.

"Serena, nothing's ever stopped you before. Don't be rash –

"Chuck, you know I love you, right?" She asked intently. Chuck smirked.

"You put on a convincing front S but I see all." He replied smoothly.

"And as much as I would love to spend my days and nights going out and getting drunk I can't. Because it's not supposed to be like this at all. Nate and Blair were over until you let her go –

"It was the best thing at the time. I didn't know that by taking a break that we'd never be together again –

"Really Chuck? Has Blair ever shown a characteristic even resembling patient?" Serena sighed. She hadn't intended for some teenage sibling brawl but mix Bass with van der Woodsen and voila.

"You're right, I let her go. And you don't want to turn into your mother; you want to do something meaningful with your life. It's not supposed to be like this."

The two remained silent before Serena tossed her Chanel clutch on the couch opposite him.

"Do you remember when we were fourteen," she began, "it was Valentines Day and Blair and Nate were off being practically the married couple they're going to be and I called you and we spent the day in my bedroom wallowing, listening to the most depressing music, getting high and just being complete losers?"

"You could have just called Carter and had a more drunken, joyous party." Chuck offered.

"It didn't feel right leaving you alone, Basshole." She shot back.

He nodded, conceding, "What's your point?"

"I don't wanna be locked in that room forever. With the smoke and the Amy Winehouse songs and worst of all, the you. It's time for happiness, Chuck."

"Not on the menu, darling." He dismissed.

"I can't support Blair's decision knowing this will end badly."

"So why don't you do something about it?" He demanded, finishing off his scotch.

"I know what you're doing Chuck. You're waiting for me to finally tell Nate so that I'll be the bad guy – again – and she'll fall into your arms. Well I won't be the sixteen year old that cheats. You and Blair might be schemers but I'm not a pawn."

Silence entered again. The air between seemed to thicken.

"Why did you never make a move?" He asked bluntly, with a hint of his usual snarky attitude.

"I always thought we had time. Blair and Nate wouldn't last forever. Then Dan came along...then Aaron...then Dan again. I loved Dan but I knew we weren't..._meant to be_." She said that as if for the first time, admitting it to herself, "And lets be honest. I'd make a great Archibald wife." She added playfully. "We had time and now time has run out. I'm too late but that's life."

"So you're just going to run off again?" Chuck asked with disbelief.

"Carter's visiting next week. And I know what he's coming back for and frankly it sounds better than helping Blair choose Bridesmaids dresses."

"Baizen?" Chuck laughed mockingly.

"Are you familiar with any other Carters'?" She replied.

"Then you're going to run off to Fiji or Dubai or Paris and leave them to it?" He asked, incredulous.

"Carter is the assistant marketing director at PPR. He's secure, he's handsome and he's ready to settle down. I never thought I'd say that but there you go."

Lay it on the line, S.

"Didn't he rebound with Georgina Sparks when you ended it?" Chuck laughed once more.

"Shut up. This could work." She responded defensively.

"No it couldn't. Because until you have a chance with Nate, you'll always be wondering what could have been and you know it." (He's Chuck Bass, he knows everything, remember?) "Carter slept with Blair and then he had you. That imbecile infuriates me S and you know that."

Serena flopped on the couch and pouted, "I'm staying aren't I?"

"Oh you're staying, pawn."

* * *

Blair gazed at the Vanderbilt diamond adoringly. It was predestined; meant for her, it seemed.

Nate buried himself in work these days; sometimes Blair couldn't help but think that his office was more of a sanctuary than what their home was and that was only reinforced when she had to eat dinner alone.

Blair couldn't resort to this. She was engaged to someone and still alone.

"Hey S, want to come over to my house for dinner? Dorota's making lamb." She tempted.

"I'll be there," Serena replied, "Is there room for a Basshole?" She asked timidly.

"Always." Blair said simply yet affectionately before hanging up.

She can't stop gazing at the diamond.

* * *

"Where's Nathaniel?" Chuck questions as soon as he sits down at the table.

"Working. Always working. I love him for it but sometimes I'd like my fiancé here for meals." Blair complained, confessional.

If Chuck was up to his usual standard tonight he would have interjected with some comment on how he was the type of guy always home for dinner. Instead his eyes were glazed over with sadness for the only girl he'd genuinley loved. Not that Blair didn't know what she was signing up for, but Nate could have at least made an effort. Blair Waldorf was his fiancé.

Chuck would have made the effort. Blair was the only one really worth making the effort for.

* * *

_They are twenty four when Nate proposes._

_Blair, truthfully, doesn't even consider them as a couple. They're fooling around, although they're too old for it. But she's too young to be constantly heartbroken over Bass._

_So she decides to indulge Nate for a weekend, do what he wants. It involves a Lil' Wayne concert, a lot of Heineken and hours of ESPN. She should hate it but the activity of making out makes everything seem better. If she couldn't have Archibald, she'd have Bass. And if she couldn't have Bass, she'd have Archibald. Blair's beginning to think it's not such a bad system._

_Graduation sugar coated everything in nostalgia. Blair's finally got her masters in law and Nate in finance and everyone still assumes they'll end up together. _

_Maybe it's all for a reason, Blair thinks. Perhaps she got it right the first time; perhaps the path she laid before her at the age of sixteen was the right path after all. _

_The next weekend, Nate takes her the exact same spot were they had their first kiss. No snow this time, pure sunshine. Opposite the same bridge. Blair thinks this is completely ridiculous but its Nate so it's ridiculously romantic._

"_It's just you and me now Blair. I can't help but think that means something." _

"_It means everything."_

_And that's when he gets down on one knee._

_Blair's breathing hitches. What's he doing?_

_He takes out the little royal blue box._

_It's the Vanderbilt diamond._

_She pauses. _

_In the endless roll of film that existed in her head as Queen of Constance, she didn't pause. Her breathing stopped in a good way. _

_Turn him down and be alone forever or accept and just settle._

_For the first time in her life, Blair Waldorf settles for less._

* * *

Chuck and Blair were having post dinner drinks when Nate finally called.

But it was his fiancé's best friend he was calling.

"Natie!" Serena exclaimed, "where are you? You missed dinner and now drinks? Come home baby boy!"

Serena was a little tipsy herself.

Nate laughed his boyish laugh before becoming suddenly serious.

"Serena, can you meet me at the Palace Courtyard bar?" He questioned intently. "I need to talk to you."

"Nate I'm right here." She replied sardonically, because she knew what was coming.

"Please S. I need your advice."

Nate was her exception, consistently. She'd only cheated with Nate. She'd only sacrificed something in order to protect him. She'd only faked a relationship for him.

She could never say no to that boy, not then and certainly not now.

* * *

**A/N: **Today seems like a pleasant day to review, doesn't it? (:


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